We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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