were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
