you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
