a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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