I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
