Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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