I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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