Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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