You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
