I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
