at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
