ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
