I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
