Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
