Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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