6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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