I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
