I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm always down for nudity.
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