i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
