Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im holly from the hills drunk
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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