Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
