Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
