I cockslap morals
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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