careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
