I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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