he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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