Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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