I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
