I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
