Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
