we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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