She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
