She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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