Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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