Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The best revenge is premature balding
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
