how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
