a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
