Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
