I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
