you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
