I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
