Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What drink are we having for lunch?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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