fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
