Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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