I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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