we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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