I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
