Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
