Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
