At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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