this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
