he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
