she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
