He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
