Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
